Archie 3000 #14

December 11, 2011

Title: Oh, Christmas Transporter, Oh Christmas Transporter and other stories

Writers: Dan Parent, Paul Castiglia, Bill Golliher
Pencils: Dan Parent, Bill Golliher
Inks: Jon D’Agostino, Pat Kennedy
Colorist: Barry Grossman
Letterer: Bill Yoshida
Cover Artist: Dan Parent
Editor: Scott Fulop
Publisher: Archie Comics

While Archie Comics, much to their credit, is doing some really interesting things with their comic books in the here and now, in the early 1990s they were trying a lot of fun things as well: new characters, new concepts, and new twists on their formula. None of them really stuck, but for people of my age who were reading Archie at the time, there’s a nostalgia factor here that makes me glad I can still find copies of stuff like Archie 3000 in the ether.

This issue of the title which re-cast Archie and company a millennia in the future is their Christmas special. Archie (the 3000 version) and the gang are knee-deep in Christmas shopping, which in the year 3000 seems to be done exclusively via the Home Shoppin’ Teleportation Network. (Boy, if they could have foreseen the Internet, huh?) Even Santa Claus uses teleportation these days, something which frustrates the parents of Riverdale, who evidently are old enough to remember the days when he delivered presents by hand. Whether this means that teleportation technology is still relatively recent in the year 3000 or that advances in medical technology have allowed the parents to live for hundreds of years is never really made clear. Anyway, when an atmospheric disturbance knocks out the whole planetwide teleportation network, both Archie and Santa Claus will have to do Christmas old-school. The book is fun, but like so many visions of the future, when you look back on it a few years down the line, it seems terribly, hysterically quaint.

Very few Archie Comics have just one story, though, so let’s look at the back-up features, non-Christmasy they may be. In “Squirm Assignment,” Archie and Dilton have a big sociology assignment due for school, and Archie makes do with a Dict-o-Text, a device that is intended to help focus one’s mind and structure a report, but runs the risk of just creating the entire presentation if you let your mind run away with it. I’m pretty sure you can guess where this is going. The story was funny, in a “Jetsons” kind of way, and led up to a good punchline.

And in “Teleportation Troubles,” Archie gets himself into classic trouble when he has dates with both Betty and Veronica at the same time. This being the year 3000, though, when travel is evidently much cheaper, the dates are actually on opposite sides of the continent. With a little help from Dilton, Archie tries to teleport back and forth between the two, with again, predictable results. Not a bad story, but pretty standard – you could do a contemporary Archie story with Dilton building a teleportation device and have the same effect, and it would be more impressive since we hadn’t read another story based entirely around teleportation eight pages earlier.

I do still have a fondness for this old series, though, and for the others of its era: Jughead’s Time Police, Archie’s R/C Racers, Faculty Funnies, Dilton’s Strange Science, Explorers of the Unknown… there were some gems there. It’s a shame that we don’t see their like anymore.

Rating: 7/10

Betty #176

October 11, 2008

Betty #176 (Archie Comics)
By George Gladir, Stan Goldberg, Bill Golliher & Mike Pellowski

In this month’s installment of the adventures of Riverdale’s favorite blonde, Betty discusses a variety of good luck charms and how they’ve influenced her life. Eh… it was okay. I’m not sure why, but it seems like at least 80 percent of the time, I find the second story in any given Archie comic better than the lead, and that’s the case here too. In the second tale, Betty comes into Pop Tate’s Chocklit Shoppe with a new cheese dip that’s so great, Pop continues adding it to the menu… until the dip gives the gang some nasty halitosis. It’s not often you see such an important issue addressed in the pages of Betty, but it’s nice to see it addressed in such a mature manner. The last two stories feature incognito fitness tips from Betty’s mom and Betty’s adventure at a wedding. All in all, a good little package for fans of the comic. I liked this one a lot.
Rating: 7/10

Archie #390

June 13, 2006

Quick Rating: Good
Title: Once Upon a Prime Time Dreary and other stories

Archie is on the air!

Writers: Hal Smith, Frank Doyle, Bill Golliher
Pencils: Stan Goldberg
Inks: Mike Esposito
Colors: Barry Grossman
Letters: Bill Yoshida
Editor: Victor Gorelick
Cover Art: Dan DeCarlo
Publisher: Archie Comics

As a long-time Archie fan, I’m going to try to work in the occasional Archie review at this site. I chose this issue for a specific reason – and I’ll get to that in a bit. Like most Archie comics, this issue is a collection of short stories, and we’ll take those one at a time.

First is “Once Upon a Prime Time Dreary” by Smith and Goldberg. Archie has a part-time job as a janitor at the public access TV station, but when a storm keeps the on-air talent away, Archie is forced to do an impromptu one-man telethon to keep the station on the air. This is a classic-style story, featuring the inimitable Archie Andrews bad luck.

“Stop the Presses,” by Doyle and Goldberg, introduces the gang to “Scoop” Scanlon, an eager freshman trying to make a name for himself on the school paper, and messing up things for the gang in the process. Scoop is one of those thousands of characters to cross the path of Archie’s gang once and never again – a nice story, but not a particularly memorable one.

Next is the real reason I decided to feature this comic, Bill Golliher and Stan Goldberg’s “Fed Up with Archie.” The Archies get lost and run out of gas on the way home from a gig, and as usual, it’s all poor Archie’s fault. He boldly strikes out to find the gang some food and fuel to get them all home. What’s Archie’s salvation” A Burger King. I’ve seen a lot of stories lately about Marvel and DC working in more product placement in their comics – a character wearing a Nike t-shirt or driving a specific make of Dodge car. But this issue the product placement is actually a plot point. Not only do they use a brand-name restaurant rather than a generic “Burger Doodle,” but the restaurant is clearly drawn to match the model of the real eateries and the BK logo (circa 1991, at least) is prominently displayed for the rest of the story. Were it not for the four-page length, one could almost mistake this story for the ad comics the characters starred in for the likes of Capri Sun or (going back to the classics) Hostess Twinkies. As an Archie story, it’s just fine. As a curiosity, it’s better.

We also have a one-page “Aunt Hilda and Aunt Zelda” gag and one last comic – Smith and Goldberg’s “The Fight with the Bumblebees,” in which Archie and Jughead accidentally knock a beehive into Mr. Weatherbee’s office and have to find a way to clear them out before they wind up in detention. This goes into seriously zany territory, and it’s entertaining for that purpose if nothing else.

This is your typical issue of Archie, when you get right down to it, but the major ad placed in the middle of the issue got my attention and made me want to share.

Rating: 6/10